Not getting sleep, I wandered into the streets nearby early
one morning, and kept walking up and down the street near my apartment and
passed this church a few times. I decided to sit through a mass at the church
in the hope that it would settle my nerves a bit. After the service, Father
Costello walked up to me and introduced himself. I asked him why he walked up
to me, he said he knew everyone at the service except me and he saw trouble in
my eyes. Lucky guess I thinkJ.
We got talking and over the next two days we got talking and through our long
conversations after mass.
One of the conversations, I’d like to share right now is
when I asked him, “Father how does one un-love a person?” He replied, “Son
assuming there was love to begin with, I don’t think that really ever happens.”
He went on to say that even if one “stopped loving another”; he or she replaces
that feeling with either bitterness or regret and puts it away in a corner of
his or her heart. If the feeling is of regret then there is no question of not
loving anymore. However, if the feeling is replaced with bitterness it’s only
because he or she is hurt and that hurt emanates from love that was placed in
the other person. “So, you tell me son, when did the unloving ever occur? It’s
just that some are good at forgetting that love and some are not so good at it
and would I be right to think you belong to the latter?” I never answered that
question.
I then went on to ask a question that I wanted an answer to
so badly, and one that was unbiased and unsolicited. I knew the answer but just
didn’t know the reasons why. At the same time I was also scared that I could be
wrong and I almost didn’t ask him this fearing I would hear an answer I didn’t
want to hear. Nevertheless going by my penchant for inviting trouble I went on
and I asked him how does one create or develop love for someone. He looked at
me with a wry smile he replied, “Son I am not sure that is even possible. I
mean one can develop a healthy respect, affection and to some level affinity.” “But
how can you be so sure? Don’t get me wrong I agree with you but I just don’t
know the why and the how.” I shot back, gently of course. “Son does a mother
create love for her new born baby that she never planned on having in the first
place forget about actually having a child out of will? When you first fell in
love, do you remember telling yourself that you ‘must’ love her ‘because’ she
is so beautiful and intelligent? Or do you remember just telling that she is so
pretty and wondering what can I do to make her love me because you were always
in love from the moment you saw her. Does an artist make an effort to love his
vocation? Love just springs between people at an instant or at a moment and
needs no fertilizers, cultivation; it’s just there, period.” He then went onto
say, “despite that, I also feel that a combination of respect, affection and dependency
in certain situations can come together to form a strong substitute for love
and still serve the same purpose almost as effectively as love alone would. But
is that feeling that is created over time love? No, it’s affection, there is a
fine line people just don’t realize it. Is it right? Yes, at times it’s the
only option and if it brings peace to all those around then how could it be
wrong. No one said each or the other is better. They both can work, they both
can fail. The only difference being is love needs no tending to, it take care
of itself. Love also ensures contentment of the soul unequivocally and
fulfillment of the Lord’s word, but the other doesn’t necessarily go against it
as well. So son if you feel I’ll assure
you by telling you Love is the right way and the only way, I’m afraid I cannot
do that. But I can comfort you by saying this that l would chose love every
time and I think everyone should too because the Lord brought us in this world
for one purpose only, to share his love through you with everyone around you.
After all there is so less of it in this world every passing day – the hatred,
intolerance, the anguish, the loneliness that people go through that anytime
love can be protected and shared it should.”
Our conversation had a pretext to it and also continued
extensively. I may go and share more snippets of this beautiful, comforting,
painful, happy and sad conversation over time. But thought I’d stitch this one
together to begin with. Take careJ.
