Part 2
I think I'll skip to the end of our conversation for now as
I feel there may be some significance to it for any of you who may end up
reading this.
By now Father Costello had very graciously but tactfully
broken down my walls and I think this was the intent he came with when we
started to our long conversation.
He looked at me intently and asked, “It’s been two days now,
so what’s really bothering you son?” That was it, the tears rolled down the
cheeks and I began to choke. “I think life just passed me by. And there is no
way back for me anymore. I may end up dying all alone.” He laughed, I was not only not amused but felt
embarrassed that I cried in front of a person I didn't even know existed a
couple of days back. My male libido lay there in pieces. I gave him that look
exactly.
He put his hand on my shoulder, “The beauty of life son is
there's always a second chance. And it's inside us; we just don't seem to know
it. You see, second chances are never easy, but are always fulfilling. The trouble
is that everyone has that second chance, but most are either they're ignorant
about it and just believe this is the way things will always be and just go on
like that. Or they are so scared of failure they chose not to exercise their
second chance. In both cases they end up disappointed most times. I mean look
at yourself; you have already set in motion your second chance in life and you don't even know it. From all that we have spoken I realize that there is no one
or nothing coming in between you and your path. The determination in your eye
is almost unnerving. Yet you cry about the fact life may have passed you by. Sorry
I couldn't help laughing hearing what you just said because of that.” My
embarrassment levels went up a couple of more notches at this point. He
continued, “From all I have heard, it’s the opposite, you are reborn. I look at
you and I am filled with great hope and happiness, but I also full of great
fear and anguish. I feel happy to see that there are still people like you in
the world, who have fire in the belly and will put everything on the line to
get where they want to be, people who still live by the heart.” He went silent and his smile disappeared. His
pause was unbearable so I nudged him, “Why fear and anguish?” He had a worried
look by now but he continued. “People like you if successful in their endeavors
go onto to make the most of it and never let it go to waste. They celebrate it
every day. They never take it for granted as they know how they bled to get
there. They are blessed. But then again such people also fail in those
endeavors and fall harder and end up broken more than others. You see some people take up that second
chance inside of them looking at their objective as a mere bonus. So when they
succeed they celebrate it that way. If they don't succeed, they shrug their
shoulders and move on because it probably never mattered that much. But those
who put into work every sinew in body mind and soul towards their goal as it
means everything to them are in greater danger. So if failure comes their way, they
fall harder and break much more and at times they can’t put themselves back
together. And then the vicious cycle of not knowing there’s still another
chance begins once again and not all of those end up in this church bench. I
have tried to dissuade you at times over these two days, but I have hit a brick
wall, so that’s why my anguish and fear along with my hope and happiness. Let
walk back now, let’s not talk for awhile and just reflect.” We walked back; I
really couldn’t think so much, I was drained. We reached the church gate and he
turned around, his smile was back, and somehow that comforted me.
He turned around, and said, “Son, go the path you have
chosen and the many others you will chose. I will pray for your well-being but
mostly I will pray that calm and peace replace the trouble and turmoil you are
in. I'll pray your hopes and dreams come true, but more than that I’ll pray you
don’t stop dreaming, because the world needs more children like you. However, you
need to promise me one thing though. If you succeed you will come back here and
do what I told you to do as that will help us to show others that there is
hope, there is that second chance. However, if you don't succeed you will still
come back here and still do what I told you to do. I probably won't be here,
but there will be others to assuage your pain and start this cycle for you
again. You're too precious to stay lost. I hope everyone around sees that. I
will pray for you every day. So now go, and know this, no matter what anyone
tells you, he is with you. Stay well son, God bless.”
I didn't know what to say, I couldn't even say bye. He
embraced me, and I turned away and walked back to the apartment. It was too
much for me to take in. So I decided to take all that we had spoken in bite
sized chunks that I could assimilate, comprehend and store away inside me for a
lifetime of use. I don't know if all this makes sense to anyone, but if it
makes sense to even one, then I think my effort is to share these snippets of
the conversation so worth the while. Be well folks until next time :-)
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